chirstmas in 2005

Christmas in 2005

Keith was trying to get Charlie (4 years old) to behave himself at Mike's party and was playing the "better be good or Santa won't come" card with Charlie. I was about to tell him that if he isn't good he will get coal in his stocking, but instead I told him that he will get spam in his e-mail account... this might be more of a punishment than coal and the wave of the future.

You better be good or you will get Spam in your e-mail account..... your primary e-mail account

Another thing that Christmas has shown me is that people who package kids toys in boxes don't really want the kids to have the toys. A couple of years ago I started carrying a little pocket knife around Christmas to cut open taped boxes and the such, but I have found that the older my kids get, the toys they receive are being held in their boxes like Fort Knox. Of course my son wants to play with the toy and has the patience of an ant while I try to figure out the many locks and straps are holding in the toys. I have decided to carry my little knife and a pair of wire cutters in the future. God help me if I ever wanted to return anything that I took out of the box because it isn't going back in.

Mike's Christmas Party 05

Mikes Christmas Party 05

We went to Mike's Christmas party on Friday night (rescheduled from last week). We had a real good time with lotsa food and drinks, with only one tragic event... POP. I don't know why but Keith bought Jeff a case of that Jones soda pop that is flavored. Now mind you I usually don't mind flavored pop, but not when it's the flavor of a turkey dinner. Shortly after Jen and I arrived I was offered a small sip of the broccoli casserole, and I was thinking it can't be that bad, maybe a hint of flavor. OMG this was the foulest tasting, disgusting, think I have ever tasted in my life, and it's pop. I have had some nasty tasting drinks before but at least there was alcohol in it. I seriously almost hurled after tasting this stuff. The worst part of it is that this was just ONE of the flavors in this case of soda. There was also corn on the cob, turkey, pecan pie and I think another flavor. After everyone commented on how foul it tasted, they keep opening the other flavors.. and I kept trying them. Thank God there was alot to drink and snacks to get the taste out of my mouth. I am sure this is one of those stories that will live on forever, just like my jello shots. The rest of the night went pretty good with classic atari video games in the one room and movies in the main room.

Rudolf

Rudolf the red nosed raindeer,reighndear, ranedere.

This time of year there are a bunch of shows that air on TV for the christmas holidays. One of them is Rudolf. With the invention of DVD's and the licensing rights and whatnot they actually released these classics on DVD. Usually this is a good thing since alot of these specials air on weird nights or when we aren't home, so I thought this would be a good thing. Pop it in and let my 2.5 year old get into the spirit whenever he wants. But I forgot then when my son sees a show or movie he likes he watches it over and over and over. This was the case with Rudolf. He has even learned to hit the button to repeat this 40 minute classic(no commercials), which is good for us so he is not dragging us over to the TV. I need to find the remote control (packed in a box) so I can use the picture in picture.Upon watching this show numerous times I saw some things that I had never noticed as a kid, because I only saw the show once a year.

On the island of misfit toys, there is a bird with fins who says he can't fly and jumps into a bowl of water to swim around. At the end of the show during the credits you see this same bird/fish. All of the other toys are getting umbrellas to float down from Santa's sleigh, but you see the elf just about to give the bird/fish an umbrella, pause, and then push the bird/fish off the sleigh without the umbrella!!!! He just killed the bird/fish since he can't fly and he is smiling about it !!

When Rudolph comes back from running away, he is told his parents and girlfriend left to look for him and have been gone for months, he turns around and finds them in a day (since it is said that Christmas is only 2 days away). Where the heck have his parents been for the past couple of months? and how does Rudolph find them in a day. Obviously Rudolphs GPS was alot better than his parents.

Santa is so harsh since he blames Donner for Rudolphs nose. How is this Donners fault?

At the end of the show when rudolph is leading Santa's sleigh there are only 6 instead of the usual 8, so Rudolph replaced two reindeer. Is this the first sign of corporate downsizing?

Hermie (the dentist wannabe) doesn't have pointed ears and blond hair. Maybe the illegitimate child of Santa?

Why does Mrs. Clause have such a heavy Bavarian accent when no one else does?

Yukon Cornelius has a freakin gun !!! Why not just shoot the bumble??

And last.... for now... Rudolph can fly.. why the heck is he walking everywhere???


I might write more observations on Rudolph later, just depends how many times I see it this weekend. We are trying to get the 2.5 year old to get into a better rotation.

Monty Python Sillyness

Click on the link to go to monty python Sillyness


Monty Python Sillyness

~

10 on the Ewwwww factor

Man Pleads Guilty in Horse-Sex Case
Wed Nov 30,10:02 PM ET

SEATTLE - A man has pleaded guilty to trespassing in connection with a fatal horse-sex case.
James Michael Tait, 54, of Enumclaw, was accused of entering a barn without the owner's permission. Tait admitted to officers that he entered a neighboring barn last July with friend Kenneth Pinyan to have sex with a horse, charging papers said. Tait was videotaping the episode when Pinyan suffered internal injuries that led to his death.
Tait pleaded guilty Tuesday and was given a one-year suspended sentence, a $300 fine, and ordered to perform eight hours of community service and have no contact with the neighbors.
The prosecutor's office said no animal cruelty charges were filed because there was no evidence of injury to the horses.

A couple of questions and comments come to mind after reading this story:

1. Did this guy get internal injuries "working it" with the horse or did he get a hoof to the gut? I can't imagine working that hard for sex that would cause internal injuries.
2. Seeing a real horse... did this guy really thing he could bring something to the table for the female horse?
3. I can't imagine (again after seeing a real horse) that the female horse would exactly be a tight fit. Now a nice sheep... nevermind.
4. There is video?
5. Do I have a friend that I know well enough that I would even think to ask to video me doing a horse?
6. Would I really want that person as a friend? Their job is to talk me out of that stupidity.

So the wrong thing to say

Recently I was helping out in the warehouse trying to get a job done that was extrememly hot and had to get out the door. Basicly it was one of those jobs where the machine is running on max and every employee on first shift is busting their butt and doing whatever is necessary to keep up with the machine. We were all working on "Maximum" until the second shift came in where there was a short delay in overturning the employees. When a female employee came over to the machine and asked if we were ready to get going, my boss, needing a short break, tells her that we need a quick 5 minute "blow" before continuing. Just about everyone in earshot looked up at hearing what my boss said and starting laughing. He said it innocently enough, just needing a break, but it was so the wrong thing to say. Making the situation even funnier is that the co-worker is gay so her comment back to my boss was, "you are talking to the wrong person for that". So after a quick 5 minute break it was back to the machine a little red faced.

The In-laws

I have the greatest in-laws in the world. Down to earth people who will do whatever is needed to help out, but there are a few quirks. While working on our house getting it ready for move in they both did a few things that made me laugh and almost cry. We are replacing all of our carpet in the house and I wasn't sure if after pulling up all of the carpet and all of the padding, if we had to pull all the little staples that they use to tack down the padding. I asked my wife to call the carpet company to see if we had to pull all of the little staples. (I really didn't want to be sitting on the floor pulling staples for hours.) I asked my wife again to please call after waiting for the answer for a week. Over the weekend my mother in law comes in and we start talking about the staples again and she informs me that she told my wife not to bother to call because she is sure that the staples would have to be pulled and that "we" would take care of it. When she says "we", she means her husband (my father in law) and myself. "We" almost never includes her unless it's the ROYAL "We", but that's another story. When I found out that she had told my wife not to call I almost came unglued, already being on the edge of exhaustion for the constant two weeks of work for every free second. But I just laughed it off and saw the humor in it. The funny part, my wife called and we had to pull all the staples. "We" took care of it.

My father in law was working on installing the washer and dryer in our house and found that we would have to install one of those thin periscoping vents for the back of the dryer. The connection for the vent to go to the outside was very close to the outside wall, and the periscoping vent was rectangular in shape. So when we connected the vent together we found that the corner of the periscoping vent would hit the outside wall and not allow us to connect the vent to the dryer. Looking at the problem we only needed to take a little bit off the corner and it would fit perfectly. My suggestion was take a hammer and tap the corner down of the vent or take a grinder and grind down the corner... My father in law's solution, tear the vent totally apart, snipping sheet metal here and there until there was a very nice and clean shaved corner that he actually pop riveted and duct taped to make it look like it came from the factory that way. Ahhh the life of a tool and dye maker and a machinist. Estimated time to fix using my solution to the problem would have been about 30 seconds.. his time to fix the solution his way was about 2 hours. But I really appreciated his hard work into getting the house ready for new carpet and for us to move into. He has taken time off work, bought materials, and found people to borrow stuff (scafolding and appliance movers).

I have given up on sleep

Welcoming home a newborn about 2 months ago I remember the times of trying to sleep (with our first baby) at night and the small distractions that would wake me up. As with our first child I would wake up if he coughed or made any unusual noise. Now granted, I am not the one that has to get up and breastfeed whenever the baby is hungry (I am not properly equipped), but I am the person who wakes up when my wife turns on the TV for light and so she has something to watch so she doesn't fall asleep. So with listening for the baby to make any strange noises, wife turning on the TV, listening to the baby monitor for our 2.5 year old, and just the usual stuff that wakes you up in the middle of the night there has been a real challenge on sleep the past couple of months.

But finally the baby is starting to get into a little more of a routine and cherish sleep at night like I do, so maybe he will wake up once a night to have a little snack. I am thinking "thank goodness" finally I can get to sleep. NO.. Houdini...the 2.5 year old has figured out how to escape his crib and has been making visits into our room at 5:30am the past two mornings. Luckily I just take him back upstairs, get him some water, and he goes back so sleep, but then the alarm goes off at 6:00am. I have decided to start going to bed by 10:00pm every night just to hope to get a few more hours of sleep. Hopefully once we get moved into the new house we can get everyone on a good bedtime routine again and the only one waking me up in the night will be my wife :) .. How you doin' ? Of course if that happens then there is a chance for child #3 and I am not anywhere sane enough for that.

Ouch

FORT MYERS BEACH, Fla. - Police accidentally hit a naked man in the genitals with a Taser after he was caught breaking windows and asking women to touch him, authorities said.
Jeremy J. Miljour, 26, tried to run away when sheriff's deputies approached so one of them shot their Taser, said Cpl. Matt Chitwood. But one of the gun's prongs accidentally hit Miljour's genitals and got stuck, Chitwood said.

"The Taser is relatively accurate, but when someone is moving like that, it doesn't matter if you have a Taser, or a pistol. (Officers) can't aim," Chitwood said. Miljour was treated at a hospital before being taken to the Lee County jail. He was charged with indecent exposure, resisting an officer and criminal damage.

"No comments needed for this story"

...and we're going to paint the mother pink

Upon buying a new house, we decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to put a fresh coat of paint on the inside of the house. One, because we wouldn't have to worry about furniture, children, and the cat.. and two because the person before us had smoked in the house. Another thing making the decision easy was that we were going to replace all of the carpet in the house which is a good thing since I am a real messy painter. 8:00am saturday morning I show up with my father in law and we start preping the rooms in order to start painting. Little did I realize how long it takes to prep three bedrooms (including gutting the closets and removing some wallpaper) to get them ready for wall and ceiling paint. It wasn't until after lunch that I finally got a chance to put a roller into a pan and start rolling on fresh white on the ceilings. All I can say is thank God we are replacing the carpet since it would have taken the entire staff of Stanley Steamer to clean up what I spilled. One because I am a messy painter and two because the roller that it takes to paint over popcorn ceiling is very thick and takes alot of paint. So finally after doing just the ceilings in the two smaller bedrooms, the master bedroom closet ceiling, it's 8:00pm at night and I figured that 12 hours of this is long enough. Another 7 hours on sunday just to finish the ceiling of the master bedroom. Looking ahead to what is still left to do, I just look at my father in law and say "damn". I am thinking in my mind that I want to be moving stuff into this house in 3 weeks. I was planning on just killing myself on the weekends, but it looks like I am going to have to put some after work weekday hours into it to make sure it is done by Dec 1st.. the day the carpet arrives. Oh, and we also have to tear out all of the old carpet before that date as well..... "damn"

F***ing Leaves

Over the weekend I decided to help my mom out and get rid of some of her leaves. Where the roof sections meet, a ton of leaves get caught there every year so this year I decided to help her out and get rid of them. I decided to do it Saturday afternoon since a rain storm was predicted Saturday night and I figured that dry leaves are easier to get rid of than wet leaves. Looking at the pitch of the roof, it looked real real steep. I remember than someone told her never to get onto the roof because it was too steep, but I figured they just told her that so they could keep comming back every year and charge her a ton of money to clean the eaves. I found out soon after I got onto the roof they might have been right. Taking my life in my hands and with a leaf blower I ventured onto the roof where it became quite the circus act where I would get to the top of the peak and then actually slide down to the eaves to blow them out. Of course the leaf blower is electric so I had to deal with a cord catching on everthing making the chore just that much more fun. And of course I had unplugged the blower by accident and had to trudge all the way down the ladder to plug it in and then back up Mt. Everest.

I had cleaned out most of the eaves and figured that was good enough and ended up working on the rest of the yard until it became too dark. Story sounds good enough??? well that's not the end of it. I get up Sunday to find out that the storm that blew through Saturday night also contained high winds and so basically everything that I had done the day before was gone. Even the eaves on the roof were just as full as the day before. All I could say was S***. But that's not the end of the story either. I was getting dressed Sunday morning and saw that I had a hole in my back pocket and then I thought "where is my wallet?". After searching the bedroom and asking my wife if she had seen my wallet (she takes it out to get receipts out of it) I tried to retrace my steps. How would I get a hole in my back pocket?..... Maybe by sliding down a roof in effort to get all the leaves that are now back in bigger force than ever. So back outside I go thinking S***, I don't want to get back on this roof, especially since I wasn't sure where it was. But looking at the roof from the ground I was fortunate enough to see my wallet in the eaves of the house. I get the ladder out and retrieve my soaking wet (did I mention the storm Saturday night) wallet. I hate leaves.

Invisible Punch

A few years ago a company called Wylers invented a powdered drink (like kool-aid) that when you made the drink even though it had all of the flavor, it was totally clear. To me this was one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century due to the fact it was totally unique. I had bought a few packets of this drink about 9 years ago with the idea of making up the drink, adding alcohol, and having a party. When I was living with my brother and best friend we did that and had a blast. It looks like you are drinking fruity water, but actually the taste hides the alcohol quite well (just don't eat the fruit). I had tried buy more of this punch drink back then when it became harder and harder to find, and finally impossible, but I had my stash. I found out later that the Wylers company was no longer in business, and I guess the idea of Clear kool-aid didn't catch on because no one else had done it since, and there just isn't enough novelty of drinking a clear Kool aid that looks like water.

So Anyway 9 years later I finally decide to put together this punch for a Halloween party with a few of the precious packets that I have left. There is nothing like walking into a party with a container that everyone assumes is water. Even before I get into the door someone asks me "Why are you bringing water to a party?". I put the punch out and really no one wants to drink the "water" on the table. So finally I tell a few people about the "invisible punch" I brought and they all decide to try a glass. The look of fear is priceless of people trying to guess what is in the drink because it is totally clear (and because I am the guy that brought jello shots to a party made totally of alcohol even trying to boil the rum, but that's another story). After trying a glass, they all said they liked the punch, but at this point they had all had a few beers so the idea of drinking a punch after drinking beer was not an option.

Hay or Straw

This time of year reminds me of something that happened to me a few years ago. While working for a radio station, they decided to get some bails of hay for an event. So, I went out to a local farm store and friend of the radio station to get the bails. Upon arriving I told the person that I needed some hay bails for an event. The look on his eyes was one of "time to have fun with the city-boy" look. He informs me that I cannot have hay bails because they are too expensive and that he would have to charge me for them. I said "your kidding right? you have a million of them sitting at the front of your store". That's when he informed me that hay was the stuff that they fed to the animals and that straw was the stuff they put into bails that you would see in a typical October/fall display. So keep in mind this fall, you are not on a hay ride, you are actually on a straw ride.

Baby Time

We had a new baby (of course new, they don't come out used) on Monday October 3rd at 7:58am. He was 7 lbs. 14 ounces 21.5 inches long (mommy and baby are doing fine). We named him Andrew James just because we liked the name. Of course we decided on the name while driving to the hospital for delivery. We have had Andrew home for 4 days now and I forgot how much sleep you loose with a newborn. Late night feedings, listening for any noise that is out of the ordinary, and any other noise from the monitor that our 2.5 year old might make. Damn, just when I was getting used to sleep with the 2.5 year old sleeping around 12 hours a night.So the journey begins again, in search of a good nights sleep.

Correction

Some Hospitals Suck

I have to ammend my last blog that hospitals suck and say that SOME hospitals suck. A week after my experience in the hopital we headed out again for the birth of my son. Having had my first son at this particular hopital, the first experience was a very good one. Hoping that it wasn't a fluke I went in with wide open eyes. Even with major construction on the hospital and only one entrance to the hopital, they did a fantastic job in directing people to where they needed to go and even provided free valet service to the door if you weren't able to walk from the parking lot. The staff was fantastic, the service was top notch, and even the food was very good and affordable. So, anyone in the area thinking about having a baby I highly recommend the Dupont Hospital on Dupont Rd.

Hospitals Suck

Last weekend I was feeling the familiar pains of a condition that I and many others have called Divroticulatus (if the spelling is wrong.. deal with it). So big plan for Monday is go in to see my doctor, get some antibotics, pain pills and take a few days off. This is the same thing that happened 2 years ago so I was familiar with the process. I get in to see my doctor monday night and he agrees that I have what I say I have, so I am thinking perscription for antibiotics, pain pills and take a few days off. NO.. he wants me to go to the emergency room "just in case". I don't really agree but I figure that I will go. I arrive at the emergency room thinking they will see that what I have is what I say I have. Laying there in the nice paper dress they provided freezing my yams off I am thinking "the specialist will see what I have and say here are some antibiotics, pain pills and a couple days off" NO.. this guy wants me to spend the night and orders a battery of tests for something that I already know that I have !!! Is this guy trying to pay off his boat??? I finally agree to spend the night much to the dismay of my 9 month pregnant wife who could be in the bed next to me at any time. Needless to say the experience was utter hell. Arrive at the emergency room at 7:30pm, finally get to the room by 10:30pm (needless to say most of that time sitting in that paper dress and with no pain medication). When I get into the room I am thinking I'll get my pain med, and sleep until the morning. NO...they want to give me a CT scan right away before I go to sleep. So I figured fine, get it out of the way. So I drink the white chalky crap getting ready for my "test". Then the nurse informs me that they are backed up at the CT machine and it might be a while. BE A WHILE !!! It's 2:00am on a tuesday morning. Who the hell else would need a CT scan at that time. Fine.. finally 3:30 in the morning I am pushed down to the scan room by my nurse WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THE CT ROOM IS, it's not her first day there, and she isn't a temp, it's that she has other people do that for her. Nothing more embarassing that sitting in a wheelchair (in my paper dress) with my IV post thingy between my legs and the nurse asking everyone she runs into if they know where she is going. At this point I am getting ready to say "give me antibiotics, pain pills, and I will take a few days off !!" Fine.. back to the room at 4:30am and I am thinking NOW by the grace of God I can get some rest. OH have I mentioned that the guy next to me requires a nurse to sit next to his bed 24 hours a days for some unknown reason. And by the looks of this guy I really didn't want to know. So guy snoring, TV's on, nurse next to him is the most popular person on the floor and gets FREQUENT visitors , and the hallway is the center of activity for EVERYONES call button dings that takes on average of 4 minutes to answer and turn off. At this point I really don't give a flying (you know), all i know is that I have the little machine next to me with the "magic button". I know how this bad boy works, feel a little pain, push the button, good feeling comes over you, you are knocked out for hours. COOL. I settle in and prepare myslef. I push the "magic button" waiting for the good feeling and nothing happens. I start pushing that button like I was playing the old atari 2600, and not much happened. I layed there watching the hours pass by and the sun finally come up. Somewhere I must have dozed off for an hour maybe two. My mother shows up in the morning to see how I am doing, and we basicly sit there watch TV, and I get to go to the bathroom dragging my little IV post with me around the nurse du jour sitting next to the guy next to me. Finally, a doctor shows up by noon (had to get 18 holes in before rounds I guess), and tell me I have Divrotiulitus and I say "no s**t sherlock" and tells me he would like me to stay another day. At that point I am not sure if it was the look on my face where I was going to rip out his throat or the clenched fists, but the doctor finally said that maybe that staying another day wasn't necessary. SO GUESS WHAT HE RECOMMENDED... ANTIBIOTICS, PAIN PILLS AND A FEW DAYS OFF!! I almost came unglued, but I was too exhausted.

Thats not the end of the story... at this point the doctor said he would write up some perscriptions and I am free to go. So my mother, figuring it would take a little while, decides to run my car home and get a ride back to pick me up so we wouldn't have to shuffle cars around. I get dressed at the speed of light and wait for her return, and wait, and wait. An hour and a half later I am thinking that it should take a total of 20 minutes to go home and come back. Did she get into a wreck? Another 15 minutes my wife comes into the room and informs me that my mother got home and decided to have lunch and do a few things around the house. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Yeah I was have a blast at camp no sleep. Finally home and in the comfy chair. Part of the doctors requirement is liquid diet for another 24 hours. SO.. 24 hours with no food and water, another 24 hours of just clear liquids, by noon on the third day I was ready to do some serious damage to the pantry.

Interesting Fact

In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas.

As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T " , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably didn't know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I had always though it was a golf term.

Favorite Word or Phrase

"If I can't eat it, bang it, or bet on it... it's not programmed in my cell phone"

(Charlie Harper in two and a half men)

Night Golf

Recently I had a chance to play night golf for the first time. Going into it I wasn't really sure what to expect. The course we were playing at had a regular course and a 9 hole par 3 course that is pretty much 9-iron, wedge, putter. Finally a day before my mom and I were to play I found out we were playing the regulation course. Having played this course a couple times I knew this was not a short course where the front 9 had a couple par 4's and 5's. I thought to myself, how the heck do you find a glowing ball if you slice it right or left and a little out of bounds, which I have been known to do. But heck, what's $35 to have a new experience including golf, food, and BEER.

Night of the outing my mom and I pretty much loaded her car down with everything not knowing what to expect. We had clubs, jackets, machete', flashlights, and bug spray (course by a river with alot of swampy area). I eased into the night that started out with a meal, a cigar, and a beer. The food was pretty good with the exception of the roast beef that was like shoe leather, but the beer was cold. As I was spraying myself down with bug spray and smoking a cigar I was thinking, "you know a cigar with an aerosol can is probably not a good idea" flashbacks of Michael Jackson filled my head. Out to the course with my mom who hadn't played in 4 years, another guy who hadn't played in 10 years, and another guy who doesn't play much. Hey the beer is cold and it's a fund raiser for charity I kept telling myself. While heading out to the first hole I was told that the glowing golf balls don't fly as far as regulation so the chances of not being able to spot the ball was pretty slim. I was teeing up the glowing ball on the first hole and a zen like feeling came over me. I was in pitch black dark, looking at a glowing ball, there is no chance of looking at the club face, or to have anything else distract you or have you take your eye off the ball. I conjured up "the force" and let go my inner feelings and just swung the club and stroked it down the middle of the fairway. GOD what a feeling. The rest of the round was pretty much like that also. It ended up being the most fun I have ever had on a golf course. Luckily I had knowledge of the course so I knew where we were hitting the ball toward on the longer par 5's. Tee markers were marked with glow sticks and there were also glow sticks on the flags on the green. The beer cart was never far away and kept us stocked up (they actually had strapped in one of the drunk cart girls to keep her from falling out of the cart). Another good point is that you didn't have to search far for a place to get rid of the beer, you just walked away from the flashlights and let it fly. The only ball we lost was one that flew left into some DEEEEEP weeds and we didn't try hard to find it. The night ended up with us 3 over par which blew me away and we came in 3rd place. I had put on an invitation out to my friends to play golf, but having never played night golf, I didn't follow up with anybody since if the experience sucked I didn't want to get blamed. Next year I am bringing everyone I know with me so they can have as much fun as I did. And in this time and age where most golf tournaments cost a minimum of $100 a person to play, it was nice to just pay $35 for twice as much fun as I have ever had in a tournament.

It's 5:00 somewhere !!!!

Favorite Word or Phrase

"Mother Puss-bucket"

(Bill Murray in Ghostbusters)

You're Kidding Right?

I just read a story where New York skyscrapers will turn off their lights above the 40th floor so migrating birds won't hit them.... HUH?

They said that the birds are attracted to the lights in the buildings like moths to a flame.

Excuse me, but wouldn't the chance of hitting the building increase if they couldn't see the freakin thing because it is dark?

And, I am not sure what the migrating altitude of a bird is, but I assume that it is below 400 feet.

And how fast does a bird have to get going before they can't avoid a 100 story building?
(What is the air speed velocity of a sparrow?... Python)

Fire Transportation?

I just read that the Torch for the 2006 Winter olympics has just left a Greek Temple. The torch will be run around Greece for a couple of days and then flown to Rome.

EXCUSE ME ?..... FLOWN

Let me get this straight you can't smoke in an airplane or have a lighter, but its alright to have a 8 inch torch in a plane with jet fuel and everything else.

!!!!!!!! YEAH TOAST !!!!!!!!

My mom's toaster lets out an ear piercing "beeeeeeeeep" about 5 seconds before the toast pops up.

WHY?????????????????

I have come up with a few thoughts:

1. If you are staring at the toaster waiting for the toast to appear, it forewarns you of the toast so you won't be frightened.. of course the beep is enough to scare the crap out of you.

2. The beep is there in case you can't wait the few minutes it takes to wait for the toast to appear and wander back into the front room to catch the end of "Blues Clues". It reminds people with the attention spans of ticks what they were doing. (No offense to ticks)

3. The beep is there to let my 2 year old know it's time to put on his "oliver - Please may I have some more" face to beg me for half of the toast I make. Not that I deny him toast, it's just that he has to have mine for some reason, thus the reason I make 3 pieces of toast. Of course the third piece of toast also means another "beeeeeeeeep" in the near future.

4. The beep is there to let my mom's two dogs (and all the other dogs in the neighborhood) that I am making toast and thus them putting on their "oliver..." faces. Dogs against the 2 year old. My money is on the two year old.

5. It's just there to annoy me.


You can set up this toast to make, toast, waffles, bagels, muffins, steak, and all sorts of things, why can't you tell it to shut up.

Any other thoughts on why it beeps???

Beginings

My blog begins here.. in search of the perfect margaritta